WTU...

When I first sought treatment, I was very apprehensive. Given the stigma that has been with the whole mental health business, I was weary of what would happen to me. I would not reveal alot of my issues for fear that it would jeopardize any chance of me being able to return to the fight. At the time I told myself I could, when in all actuality there was no going back. Eventually, with the help of my counselor, I was able to start advocating for myself, being honest with not only myself but everyone around me who "had a need to know." My med provider didn't feel I qualified for reset, my counselor did. My med provider didn't think I'd get accepted, yet I did. My med provider also didn't believe I needed to be in WTU, but eventually I admitted it to myself and therefore voiced it to the doc. I kept my chain of command informed, and told the commander he needed to locate a qualified replacement to take my place. We had one, but our sister battalion snatched him up. Unfortunately for the unit, it didn't stop my assignment to WTU. I got my orders the 7th of May and reported the 10th....I reported 7 days early. Because on the 11th, I flew to Michigan to be with my father. With his cancer coming back and his repeated cases of pneumonia, I felt if I didn't go then, I may not have gotten the chance to see him before the time came. Something told me that no matter what, I needed to ensure I was there and quickly. So, I reported to WTU after clearing all morning. Brigade told me they would honor my leave form from my unit, but battalion said they wouldn't. I spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for them to consider the situation and decide if they would honor it or not. All the while fearing that I would not be permitted to go. Thankfully, by 1800, I was approved and released from the company. So, even though I've been in WTU for over a month, I really haven't been here but 20 days and thats counting weekends. And my appointment list is so ridiculously long that 90% if the time I'm not even at the unit. So I don't even see the majority of the stuff these Soldiers are going through there. I've witnessed only two incidents where I didn't agree with what was going on.....pretty much because it was the only two days I was there for more than just a formation. These next couple of days however, I will get a chance to really see what goes on during the day at the unit. Lets see if it pisses me off even more.

But aside from that, I look forward to this week because it's one week closer to knowing whats going on with my health. I hope that the MEB will get back to me on the blood tests so perhaps they can tell me what I'm dealing with. This pain is ridiculous and yet they can't see anything in an MRI or XRAY? Sure wish there was some way they could see whats causing this pain in my right arm. Because there are days where I can't even use it and it pisses me off because they still haven't given me an answer....cuz they "don't know". Stop focusing on the shoulder and look at the bigger picture, the pains not just in the shoulder, as I've said over and over...its in the whole arm all the way down to the tips of my fingers. Yet they still focus on the damn shoulder. Getting a little tired of it because I just want the pain to go away in some way, shape or form. I'm a mechanic....turning wrenches is what I do....if I can't use my hands to do so, I'm useless. In my eyes, that makes me useless not being able to use my hands. So someone please tell me why it takes them so long to see the problem? Has anyone figured this out? Cuz after 14yrs, I still haven't figured it out, and thats why I have permanent damage in my feet and will end up with the same in my right arm if they don't hurry the hell up and figure this out.

Ok, done bitching, just a lil irritated tonight because of my flare up.

Night all.