Will not be blogging......

I will not be blogging for the next 15 days due to going home on emergency leave. My fathers health has taken a drastic turn for the worse so I am going home to be with him and my mom. This is going to be a tough time for me....I pray that God gives me the strength to remain strong for my mom. She needs my strength right now, my shoulder to lean on. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers and I will update you when I return.

Old Sarge out

My father

Its looking like my father's losing his battle with cancer and pneumonia. He's been in the hospital with pneumonia for a week now and my mom's been called back to the hospital...her presence is needed per the doc. He's deteriorating and I'm stuck here in Texas unable to get there fast enough. What I wouldn't give to be there right now. It's not looking good and my mom's all alone. Granted, her sisters with her, but still. I feel helpless here. I can't do anything. I can't jump in the car and be there in 20 minutes. I have to wait for the Army to let me go....so at minimum I'm stuck here lying in wait til tomorrow at the earliest...if I can get a ticket out of my own pocket (which I can't) or until after I receive an AER loan on monday. My chances of getting there in time are probably pretty slim. :( Keep him in your prayers please....he needs all the prayers he can get.

Kelsy

Keep tabs on Kelsy and her work at the Fort Hood R&R Center on her own blog. Follow her story :)

Today I don't have any other appointments aside from Kelsy's visit at R&R so we shall see what I have to blog for you about todays events.

Yesterday I had the scrimmage with the panel. Not sure how it works, but I made mention of some of my issues. For the most part, everyone on that panel has done their part to help me out so I didn't have anything harsh to say about them. I felt it not appropriate to mention my issues about the unit to that panel. 90% of those folks had nothing to do with the issues I have. So, I'll be using a different approach with my complaints. I will be requesting to speak with the 1SG about my concerns. Perhaps that's a better approach? We shall see.

Thanks for stopping in...look forward to tonights blog once I'm back from todays events....

Old Sarge Out

What can I expect today?

Well, my first appointment is with the TBI Clinic. I'll be discussing my sleep interruptions that I have been having lately. I find myself having dreams, sometimes nightmares, but mostly just odd dreams and I find that I'm waking myself up talking lol. It sounds funny but its gotten old so its not so funny anymore. I end up pissed off when I open my eyes after hearing my own voice. Its rather frustrating. And I find that no matter what I do, I won't be able to go right back to sleep. It usually takes me about 2 hours to knock back out. So I may be getting a good 3-4 hours of sleep, but then I have to sneak in the last 2-3 after having been awake for a few hours. Most often than not I find myself cleaning the house at 2 in the morning while I wait for my body to decide its time to go back to sleep. I hate feeling so tired. And the medications make me feel drunk and that really is a feeling I have grown to despise over the years. I don't drink, haven't in a while and never plan to again. I hate the feeling it causes. And these medications make you feel that way. You feel drunk, you stumble around the house making your way to bed. And when you wake up, it truly feels like a hangover yet you still feel drunk too. I really can't stand that feeling. But, I have to take the meds otherwise I'd never sleep. So I guess I have to deal with it. I just wish my body would actually take the training I have put it under. Like taking the meds at a certain time. There for about a week, it worked. I had to take the meds at midnight in order to sleep all the way to the alarm, here lately that isn't even working. So, I'll fall asleep at midnight and wake up 2 hours later. Now thats definetely not good sleep. And I find myself trying to catch naps throughout the day but I know thats not conducive to trying to fix this issue. I just wish the thoughts and dreams and nightmares would stop so I could sleep completely through the night. It comes and goes, there are good days and there are bad days. There are days when I do make it all the way to the alarm. Yet on other days, I'm up 2hrs before the alarm which really irritates me. So I'm already cranky when I report into work and that's not a good thing.

Well, after the TBI clinic appt I have the "scrimmage" with the WTU folks. How am I going to go about voicing my concerns without making them feel like I'm bashing them directly? Because its certainly not my squad leader causing these problems. It's not my platoon sergeant or my first sergeant. Its not my case manager, he's great. Its not my social worker or my primary care manager. So, how do I voice my concerns about how things are run at the WTU without them taking direct offense to what I am trying to say? Perhaps I just need to share my suggestions with them to pass along to the leaders above them? Perhaps thats the approach I should use. Because its not my direct line of individuals working for me, its the folks above them that do not see what we as WT's go through on a daily basis and how demoralized we feel every day they have us do the taskings that we do. I have to prepare myself for this meeting, so that I can voice my concerns in a manner that is professional and allows them to see my point of view on the entire situation. I keep a daily log of all my appointments that tracks everything I have on my schedule. Perhaps with that I can prove that for some, who are worse off than I, seeking a job or attending school (in a classroom) is not an option that is fessible. Perhaps then they will take my suggestions to the powers that be in order to better improve the lives of the Soldiers here. The fact that I am working with Kelsy with the therapy dog thing, it gives me a sense of purpose outside of the WTU. Rather than sit at the WTU doing nothing, I'm giving back by being there at the R&R for any Soldier who wishes to reach out to Kelsy. It's something at least.

Well, off to do what I must. I hope that today goes smoothly and I look forward to returning home after the scrimmage, picking up Kelsy and heading back to the R&R for her 2nd day on the "job" :) I know she's looking forward to it. :)

Thanks for reading. More to follow.

Old Sarge Out!

Therapy dog---blog removed and relocated

I've removed this blog and moved it over to Kelsy's OWN blog. So, check out her blog if you want to keep up on her progress: http://therapy4troops.blogspot.com/

Log your days.....

I advise everyone at the WTB to keep a diary of their daily life at the unit. Ok, so the blog is sort of a diary, and yet, not the type of diary I'm speaking of.

In order to make change in the Army, i.e. when filing a complaint with the I.G., seeing documentation of the action that led to the complaint.

So, my advise to everyone having issues, to keep a daily log of everything that you do while at the WTU. The good and the bad folks. Document both. Because it is truly very important not to mess with the jobs of those who are working hard for you. So be sure to document both. It is critical.

I wish no ill will on my immediate chain of command, because they have been supportive of me since my arrival at the WTB. It's the stuff the higher ups are making the cadre have us do, and the cadre really has no choice but to comply. I mean yes, maybe they could fight for us, but at the same time, I understand why they might not think they could. Some of these details they put us on, are typical of regular Army units.....for the lowest ranking individuals within the ranks. These details are known to most Soldiers in the Army as the shit details. So, answer me this question, why are Soldiers who are not in trouble doing the shit details? Just curious. Yet, I don't blame the leaders for not fighting the battle because in a sense, I could see why they would think it would be a losing battle. Yet, I'm standing up and voicing my concerns regardless. If it doesn't change things, I at least tried. But I am hoping it does set the course for positive change at the WTB. Because these Soldiers deserve much better than what their currently getting.

So, because of things like this, I highly suggest the Soldiers log their daily activities while at the WTU so that their concerns can be heard. If I have to be the one to voice everyones concerns, I will do it. I just worry about how my MEB will turn out because of it. So, I'm kinda doing it behind a black screen in the meantime.

Old Sarge out

Logged....

So today I decided to log how my day started. This way one can see just what happens from first formation til the last.

0900: Company formation
0910: Meet with my nurse case manager for an appt to get my hands looked at. He was able to get me an appt for next week. So far so good right?
0920: Take out the trash of every civilian and cadre member that works in our buildings.
0945: sweep every office in our buildings
1000: sweep rocks off the sidewalk
1025: Sign out of the WTU to go visit counselor/lunch and OT appt
1030: Go visit with counselor at R&R about therapy dog idea
1130: Lunch
1300: Occupational Therapy appt. Give them my plans to work for a contractor on post while waiting for my MEB to finish, and doing the therapy dog thing at the R&R. OT is very supportive of both my tasks I wish to take on.
1400: Report back to WTU and sign in
1430: Sign out to return to R&R
1445: Sign letter to head doctor at R&R requesting that my therapy dog in training be allowed to continue her training at the R&R clinic.
1500: Report back to WTU and sign back in
1600: Formation
1610: Soldiers selected to go back through and clean all the offices again, my duty day was up so I was permitted to leave

Ok, so thats just today. On days when I don't have any appt's or running around to do, I'm sure it'll look even worse. But today it was pretty crazy.

Now, please don't misconstrue this. I will ensure that you understand that I do not fault my squad leader or my platoon sergeant. I do not fault my first sergeant. I don't know the company commander so I don't know. I, after having observed a number of things, feel as though this is something at minimum 4 rungs higher on the ladder than my squad leader. So, understand, my squad leader has helped me out a great deal. I haven't had to utilize my platoon sergeant which is a good thing. The first sergeant has backed my therapy dog mission I'd asked to take on. So I don't fault her either. I believe the issues we have is far above them. So, understand that I fault no one in my direct line of the chain of command...because they have been extremely helpful with what they could control.

I understand not wanting them to go hang out in their rooms or go hide at home, however, if you are going to force them to remain at the WTU or force them to go look for a job or go to school---allow them the time to do so. I am farely certain that the only reason I was able to up and leave those two times to go see my counselor is because of my rank. But thats besides the point. On any given day, these Soldiers are forced to sit on WTU grounds with nothing CONSTRUCTIVE to do with their time. How about a computer lab? How about encouraging folks from the job fairs to come by and speak with some of these Soldiers? How about resume writing classes held there on the grounds? A number of these Soldiers don't have cars, nor do they have time to run across post to go take a class when they have 3-4 sometimes 5 appt's a day. But something can be done to make life a little easier for them when it comes to the transition. How about helping prepare them for the transition by providing them the services offered by ACAP ON SITE?

It makes sense, that's the problem.

Old Sarge out

MEB/DES

Well, today I had my Psych Eval with DES. While he tried to keep from putting me back in that place, it was inevitable. He asked key questions regarding what I had endured but didn't force me to go into detail. But, there was really no stopping it you know? When you open that can of worms its impossible to stop. So, in a sense I had to relive that which haunts me yet again today. Does it make it any easier to deal with? Yes and no. Hearing someone tell you you definetely have endured a great deal and not blow off your symptoms affirms your concerns. And tells you your not crazy....and your not alone. So, yes, in a way it is a good thing. But the bad thing is, it takes you a number of steps back on progress every time you have to "relive" it.

So tonights kind of a bad night for me. I'm back in that dark place, where guilt and anger eat at me. Yet, I know I had no control over what happened back in 2003, however I can't help but feel guilty. Why couldn't it have been me? Why'd it have to be him? Why'd it have to be the guy who never met his baby girl? Why not me? I still find myself asking that question even though the logical part of me is saying there was nothing I could do about it...there was no way I could have taken his place. Yet...it still eats at me you know?

Everyone copes in their own way and I'm finding that taking on the task of training my dog to be a Therapy Dog is really actually great therapy for me lol. And it's made me think about a different career path after my time in the military is done. No more wrenches. No more helicopters. I'm actually contemplating going into Social Work, for the military. Specifically the treatment of Soldiers suffering from PTSD, anxiety and depression. Yes, a Social Worker really is just there to listen and that's what I'd like to do..with the help of my dog. She'll put her head in their lap and help them to relax. It sure works for me :)

Well, for many it is late, but for me the night is still young. I cannot attempt to go to sleep for another hour. But I will be closing out this blog for tonight. Thank you for listening.

Thought I'd share this info

Need Immediate Help?

Veteran-to-Veteran Peer Counseling
1-877-VET2VET

Nat'l Veterans Foundation Help Line
1-888-777-4443 (M-F 9-9 Pacific)
Email help also available from NVF

Military OneSource - DOD contracted
1-800-342-9647 in USA (24/7)
1-800-3429-6477 outside of USA

Wounded Soldier and Family Hotline
1-800-984-8523

VA Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

NY/NJ Veterans VA Nurses Helpline
1-800-877-6976

Gulf Coast VA Med Center Hot Line
1-800-507-4571

Suicide Hotlines
1-888-649-1366
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

Suicide Help Online
http://www.hopeline.com
http://www.spanusa.org

Miles Foundation
Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, Child Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault by Military Personnel 1-877-570-0688

Nat'l Coalition for Homeless Vets
1-800-VET-HELP

Veterans of the Vietnam War
1-800-843-8626

VA Office of the Inspector General
Report Suspected Wrongdoing in VA Programs and Operations Call the OIG Hotline – (800) 488-8244



Where To Turn for combat stress/reintegration issues

If you're a vet suffering with PTSD, please know that you are not alone. Please take your symptoms seriously.

From the U.S. Army Training and Doctrine Command website:

Fellow Soldiers - Talk to your friends about what you are feeling. Oftentimes it's a reality check ... a first line of defense.

Chain of Command - Team leaders, squad leaders, platoon sergeants/leaders, first sergeants, company/battalion/brigade commanders, command sergeants major.

Unit Ministry Teams - They're especially good at counseling.

Family Life Chaplains - Many have a Master's Degree in Counseling and will try to save a marriage; some will also work individually with the members of a couple.

Military One Source (Formerly Army One Source) - Call 1-800-342-9647, or visit the Web site. They offer six free sessions and it's anonymous.

Primary Care Managers - Many family practice physicians, physician assistants and nurse practitioners are quite comfortable treating depression and sleep problems.

Community Mental Health Service - They usually have at least one psychiatrist and a variable number of psychologists and social workers on staff as well as behavioral health technicians.

TRICARE Counseling - Spouses can go for free. Service members can often share a family member's appointment for marriage counseling.

Veterans Administration - Or Veterans Centers.

Army Substance Abuse Program (formerly ADAPCP) - Especially helpful if the Soldier or family member has a problem with alcohol or drugs.

VA/DOD Joint Programs - Aimed at service members near retirement and currently operating at Forts Hood and Bliss.

Local Church Programs - Lutheran Social Services, Catholic Social Services, etc.

Army Community Services - Often coordinate/conduct stress management, anger management, parenting and other classes.

Online Community Bulletin Boards - A great resource to tap if you have questions; usually manned by veterans and military family members who've been through the same experiences.

The Internet - There is a truckload of solid information available on-line. Just do a search using the keyword PTSD.



Free Resources for OEF/OIF Veterans and Families

Deep Streams
Offers San Francisco Bay-area OEF/OIF veterans and their families a complimentary multi-disciplinary program that integrates psychological, meditative and expressive arts approaches to healing from war.

Give an Hour
Provides complimentary nationwide counseling services endorsed by but separate from the military establishment to troops, veterans, and military spouses, children, parents, siblings, and unmarried partners.

Helios Warriors
Offers complimentary alternative holistic health care services that address the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of Ashville, North Carolina, veterans and their families. They provide integrative health care that supports any other existing medical care being received.

The Merritt Center
Offers a complimentary four-weekend (Friday-Sunday) women's and men's retreat program for military trauma in the Star Valley woods near Payson, Arizona. Each weekend offers a different menu of items to aid in trauma release including walks in the woods, sweat lodge ceremony, therapeutic massage, release exercises of body and mind and much more.

ONE Freedom Inc.
Providing ground-breaking education and training models that are community-driven, transferable and sustainable. Complimentary reintegration resources for returning veterans. Located in Boulder, Colorado.

Return to Honor
Complimentary transition training workshops from Freedoms Foundation of Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, aimed at helping returning veterans and their families return to peaceful life following service.

The Returning Veterans Project NW
Offers free and confidential counseling to Portland-area veterans and their families of past and current Iraq and Afghanistan campaigns. Phone (503) 402-1717 or email info@returningveterans.com for more information.

The Sanctuary
Offers 'Guardians of Our Way of Life' [soldiers, intelligence professionals, law enforcement officers, or first responders (Fire/EMS)] and their families complimentary access to a nationwide network of retreat centers.

Soldier's Heart
Veterans’ return and healing project addressing the emotional and spiritual needs of veterans, their families and communities. Soldier’s Heart promotes and guides community-based efforts to heal the effects of war based on strategies presented in “War and the Soul” by Dr. Edward Tick.

The Soldiers Project
Free, confidential psychological counseling for southern California OEF/OIF vets and their families. Visit their website, phone 818-761-7438 or email info@thesoldiersproject.org for more information.

Strategic Outreach to Families of All Reservists (SOFAR)
Complimentary psychotherapy and psycho-educational services for New England-area families of Reservists and National Guard members stationed in or returning from Afghanistan, Iraq and Kuwait.

Swords to Plowshares
Their San Francisco drop-in center provides mental health services, including counseling for drug and alcohol problems and post-traumatic stress disorders, case management and referrals. Outreach and prevention programs target veterans who suffer from unemployment, poverty, medical problems, substance abuse, and social isolation.

There & Back Again: Navigating Life After War
A nonprofit organization privately funded by concerned Americans whose contributions support the well-being and reintegration of OEF/OIF service-members in the Cambridge, Mass., area. Their free reintegration program includes modules on freeing the mind from unhealthy thoughts as well as conditioning the body through yoga sessions.

Valley Forge Return to Honor Workshops
Complimentary three-day intensive cognitive and experiential reintegration workshops, after theatre (after trauma) decompression training, and family integration programs for returning Afghanistan and Iraq veterans and their families. Located in Pennsylvania.

Veteran Love
Assisting wounded and disabled service men and women with their post-war transition, this nonprofit has established a monthly “emergency assistance” fund granting financial help to selected veterans or military family members. See their website for details. Their online chat board is a great resource.
American Love and Appreciation Fund
930 Washington Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33139
Phone: 305-673-2856
Fax: 866-777-9431

Veterans Study Program
OEF/OIF veterans: access to a free reintegration counseling program and study fittingly called the Veterans Study Program at the James J. Peters Veterans Affairs Medical Center (VAMC) in the Bronx, New York.



General Mental Health

National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
Find a mental health services provider in your area via their website or by phoning 1-800-950-6264.

National Institute of Mental Health
General PTSD information and links to booklets and databases to find help in your area.
National Mental Health Association
Offers support groups, rehabilitation, socialization, and housing services through 340 community organizations across the country. Visit their website or phone 1-800-969-6642 (1-800-969-NMHA) to find one near you.

What do you do when you feel useless?

What do you do when your taken out of your element and placed in a position where you have no position? What do you do to cope with the drastic change? How do you deal with the change in mission? Who do you report to when something doesn't seem right?

These are questions I often ask myself. I've found something to do....I'm working with my dog every day, getting her trained to be a Therapy Dog. That's a challenge but well worth it in the end.

I cope with the change by finding something to do (i.e. training my dog) and keeping this blog. I know no other way to cope than to keep myself occupied with something constructive.

Now the real question is who do I turn to when I feel like somethings not right? Seems as though it would be pointless to turn to my chain of command if ALL the WTU's in the Army seem to have the same issues. So, really, who do we turn to? Well, I'm still trying to figure that out. But one thing I know for certain, these blogs will definitely be very useful when the time comes.

I am disappointed in how things are being operated but is it really my place to tell my leadership that? I'd have to say yes. Will it change anything? Highly doubtful, not at this level if its an Army wide problem. So, I'm seeking out some people of "interest" for when the time does come, I will provide this blog...and I suggest others do the same...when they feel the time is right.

Yes, we're protected under the "Whistle blowers" act however, we all know how the Army treats us even if we're "protected". So, the timing has to be right. Otherwise, it'll turn around and bite us in the a$$es when we're trying to ensure we're just taken care of. Which is rather unfortunate to be quite honest.

All I want to do is make my transition, in the smoothest way possible and as soon as possible. The last thing I need is to be held back for some hearing against III Corps or the Army.....or is it? You know, I'm not real sure. Should I become a vocal advocate for these Soldiers? Perhaps I should, but I think I will just keep this lovely blog here and encourage my battle buddies to do the same. When that DD214 is in my hand, I will become a very vocal advocate for those still stuck in the WTU. I think it wise to go that route. So I tap my foot due to the lack of patience while I wait for them to complete the MEB and hand me my walking papers. I except a few individuals to be joining me on this mission....when their ready.

July 4th...what it means

Today's Independence Day. Lots of lives were lost to make this day possible. And more will continue to pay the ultimate sacrifice so that you can continue to celebrate the freedoms you hold so dear to your heart, yet take for granted most days.

While you sit watching the fireworks with your friends and/or family. Those of us who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sit in our homes or barracks rooms trying our best not to fall apart. The sounds of those fireworks send our hearts into panic mode. We're uneasy. We're jumpy. We jump with every pop of the fireworks.

I sit here in my home playing music loud enough to almost drown out the sound. Yet I still hear it..and its got my skin crawling. I've taken my meds a little early tonight so that my anxiety would go down a little and perhaps I'll actually be able to sleep through this night.

Not only do we struggle with the anxiety and jumpiness that these fireworks cause, we also struggle with flashbacks. Every loud bang and crackle puts us back in the hell hole that made us the way we are today. About the only way to cope is to try to breath through it. Drown it out with music. Focus on something else. Conduct Biofeedback. Do some Alphastim. But it still lingers.

While your in the comfort of your homes, there are so many Soldiers sleeping in tents in Afghanistan right now not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Freshly deployed to a combat zone they are not familiar with. The unit served 2 tours in Iraq. Most of the personnel there are embarking on their very first deployment. Afghanistan is NOTHING like Iraq and I'm afraid they weren't really hearing that when Afghanistan veterans tried to tell them. I sit here in fear for my battle buddies lives every day. I wish I was there....simply because I took what my friend said about Afghanistan to heart and at least I would be able to contribute to their safety. Yet, I know that I cannot. Another deployment for me would most likely result in me not returning home alive. Is that a dismal thought? Perhaps it is but it's the truth. I do not believe my heart and mind would be able to cope with another deployment like OIF 1. I served in the initial wave and I know that that deployment was by far the worst of all rotations. And their in a place similar to how things were in OIF 1. I pray for their safety, especially on this day. A day when we remember those who paid that ultimate price for us. We cannot forget them. They will forever cling to our hearts and minds.

An average American, without military experience or affiliation really does not grasp the loss we as Soldiers have endured. The lives lost right before our eyes. And that is why today is so sacred. We memorialize our fallen comrades on days like this. There's no walking away when the fireworks are done and forgetting what the meaning of this day is once we lay our head on our pillow. Not with the wounded warrior. It lives with us every day. It haunts us. It rages war on our psyche. We try to cope, we learn techniques that are available, that may help us through the pain. But then you find yourself alone in your home hearing these fireworks pop off and your all alone again. Where do you turn? How do you cope? What if the tools given to you to help you deal don't work? Then what? I'm not real sure right now. Just trying my best. That's all anyone can ask right?

Happy Independence Day to all. I ask no one to stop celebrating their 4th of July. I just ask, within my own 4 walls---really simply pleading with myself---that these noises will stop. I will not take away from anyone's celebration. I just wish I could find a means to block it out.

That is all.

Crash....

So I've struggled with insomnia since October. Most nights I'd wake up in a cold sweat at 2am and wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Thought I was getting menopause lol. But I tried to do some sleep hygiene training as my doc suggested. I take my meds at 11pm and by midnight I am done....barely remember the walk to the bedroom. This usually results in me not hearing the phone ring or being disturbed by anything. Nope, once I hit that point, there's nothing that will wake me. And I usually get about 6 hours of sleep. Which is pretty damn good compared to the 2 I was getting most nights.

Downside to this, and one of the main reasons why I don't like being on medications.....I missed a phone call that very well could have been someone in dire need of my help. Most often than not, a phone call at 1am is not a good phone call. And I missed it. As an NCO who devoted her life to taking care of her Soldiers and always being there for her troops, medications hinder my ability to continue with that one thing I love being able to do. And here I sit at 6am wondering if that Soldier is ok because I wasn't there to answer the call.

This is why Soldiers must not rely on their medications. Use them as a training aid as you work on healing. But, do your best to ensure that you can and will be able to separate yourself from those medications. You do not want to rely on them or become dependent on them. Always know that no matter the medication or its purpose, dependency is likely and you have to be ready for the day when you have to let them go. However, do not stop using them without the doc's approval. I found that out, Doc yelled at me because I was trying to not use my sleep meds--because I was missing shit--she warned me not to stop taking them. Eventually I would be able to ween myself away from them but for now, until my sleep issues are at a more controllable level, I need to stick to the regimen.

I've suffered from migraines for the last 12 years. The docs gave me medications such as midrin and darvocet. All of which made me useless when it came to doing my job. I stopped going to the doc because they couldnt find the problem and I could NOT live with myself if I wasn't able to work. So I just started taking over the counter meds, excedrin and stuff. At least then I could still turn wrenches you know? But now, with these sleep meds, their doing exactly what I don't want. I don't want to NOT be there for my fellow Soldiers.....and its depressing because when they reach out to me and i'm not there....where will they turn? I worry that I was that one phone call they tried before something bad happened and I wasn't there to talk them down or whatnot. Soldiers call me all the time just to vent, to "break contact", and to reach out to someone who understands. And when I'm not there, and I see that I have a missed call in the morning because of these stupid meds, I feel like I have failed these Soldiers. Yes, I know, I'm no ones leader but I am their friends. And this friend has failed them because of these stupid sleep meds.

OOOOH and on a side note: Do not EVER share your meds with anyone. And, if you live in a place where your meds can be accessed by others, make them inaccessible. Lock them up in a drawer...secure them. I am fortunate I live alone, so my stockpile of medications is in my bathroom. However, for those who are not as fortunate, lock your meds up so those who "want" them can't get them and those who want to get you into trouble because their in trouble....can't get them either. Something to think about. Always watch your back, because no matter what we as GOOD Soldiers know, not all Soldiers follow the same values. You can only trust certain people and you must remain watchful over others. Sometimes, unfortunately, we have to remain watchful over our buddies as well---because sometimes they too fall into that trap :(