OCD

I know that the Army taught me to be very tedious when it came to appearance, and regulations....you can ask any of my Soldiers, I made sure they knew the regs and it was a very rare occurrence if I didn't know a reg...but it wouldn't take me long to find it. I'd always get the info to them. So, back when we wore the woodland camo uniforms and the black leather boots, I was one of those who wore the highly shined boots and heavily starched uniforms. I had a very tight attention to detail and I always ensured I knew what the right thing to do was, and if I didn't know, I looked it up.

Where am I going with this? Well, this is perhaps a two fold blog. One: My OCD here at home and Two: my attention to detail when it comes to Soldiers and Leaders.

I made plans to have company today. So, I started cleaning house..even though it was already pretty much clean...well, it must not have been if I continued to clean. I am very particular when it comes to the house. Everythings gotta be in its place, the table can't have anything on it (dust, cat hair, dog hair, ashes....all which you cannot avoid in a house of smokers and animal lovers....). I cleaned the house, put everything in their exact place, and during my friends visit, I caught myself wiping the table off I don't know how many times. I really don't know where this came from but I know I did this the other day with my laundry. And that was my first clue that my OCD was really bad. My clothing is sorted by color in the drawers...REALLY? I look back and think WTF? But, I wouldn't stop until it was just right. Same thing with my closet. All hangars have to face the same way, all shirts have to face the same way. All like shirts are hung together (long sleeves in their place, polo's in theirs, sweaters in theirs, pants in theirs)....and I find myself getting angry at myself for being so picky. Why must I obsess about it? I couldn't even tell you. I just don't feel right unless its perfect. Everything has to be in its proper place and if its even a centimeter off, I have to move it to where it belongs.

Yes, the Army taught me to have attention to detail but this is a lil ridiculous. Not that I mind, because my house usually stays pretty clean because of this, but there's gotta be a limit to this obsessiveness lol. My coasters have to be placed just right or I'm not happy. And this is where my OCD has affected me as a Soldier/Leader.

I don't see it as a bad thing, because I would uphold the standards when no one else would. I would correct someone for having their hands in their pockets, and I would remind them repeatedly everytime I caught them. Eventually it got to the point where if the Soldier saw me coming, they instantly took their hands out of their pockets. They knew my pet peeves and sunglasses on the forehead and hands in the pockets were the two biggest ones for me. They knew I wasn't an NCO who would let it go. So, I guess, in a way my OCD was a benefit. Because my Soldiers knew the standards and complied with the standards, bringing them far above many of their peers. However, sometimes OCD can have a negative effect. Especially when you find yourself cleaning up the shop constantly...and/or snipping at the Soldier for a mess they made in the process of doing their jobs...come on, their WORKING....you don't need to obsess about that unless they walk away from the mess without cleaning it up. Although, there were times my obsession would get me into trouble. I'd argue with the leadership because I knew the regulations and would be standing up for my Soldiers and it was like they didn't hear me. So I'd continue to argue, and fight the chain of command about their ignorance. This wasn't the best thing for me...but it benefited my Soldiers---usually after getting highly frustrated and arguing til I was blue in the face, I'd finally get them to see where I was coming from and I'd win the battle. So I guess, for the most part, my OCD was and still remains a positive thing. I refuse to allow myself to become disorganized. I keep records of everything...and with the MEB being in progress, this was a very wise decision on my part. Their going to know EVERYTHING thats happened to me since joining the Army. I won't allow them to walk all over me...even though over the course of the last 14 years I've pretty much allowed them to. I put everything and everyone before myself. It's me time now. Although, I'm still there for my Soldiers. I've made that known that no matter what, they can always call on me. I can't cut them out of my life, their why I live and breathe today.